"While waiting at the cash register, I picked up a pair of argyle wool socks from a nearby wicker basket and asked, “Are your socks local?” The salesman self-consciously said no. I returned the socks like an organic farmer who has learned that a friend has named her child Monsanto."
"Brooklyn” is now a byword for cool from Paris to Sweden to the Middle East. It’s been strange to live across the river from a place that suddenly becomes a cultural reference point — not unlike having your dachshund become an overnight celebrity. Part of you wonders, Why him and not Aunt Barbara?"
3rd Vampire Weekend album is like 3rd year of college: sexy, smart, worldly cuz you spent half of it abroad.— Lena Dunham
"In late summer, hives full of ripening honey emitted a particular scent, like the whiff of sweetness Augusta used to catch passing the candy-apple kiosk at the fall fair, but without the tang of apples to it. She should have been smelling this now, but instead the hive gave off the vinegar-and-almond scent of angry bees. They buzzed loudly, boiling in the air in front of the hive like a pot of simmering toffee."
Gail Anderson-Dargatz, A Recipe For Bees
"The relationship between Canada and Quebec is like the last stages of a couple that will divorce at some point,” says Lisee. “There’s no love, there’s no hate, there’s not even any resentment. There’s simply nothing there."
"They don’t taste good; but like a schoolboy at his first coed dance, I am drawn not so much by their beauty as by their unlimited quantities."
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"A grunt and the sound of little rocks rolling down bigger rocks and then a sound like a bag of laundry bouncing and scraping down your basement steps. That idiot had fallen off the mountain."
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"This might be one of the worst things I’ve ever put in my mouth. It smells like sharp cheddar cheese, and tastes like beef bouillon cubes that have been stewing in smelly sneakers. The worst."
"Many people at first don’t believe in my existence,” he says. “They say: ‘How can there be such a thing as a German comedian?’. I’m your oxymoron – like a Russian human rights committee … or being a unicorn."
"From William Shakespeare’s Juliet Capulet to Truman Capote’s Holly Golightly, the characters’ uniqueness was like an ideological rib-eye that the down-on-his-luck hero could feast on to thrive and prosper in his own life."
"This is fusty, old-school outrage, spluttered in your mind’s eye by a swivel-eyed ex-colonel with dangerously high blood pressure. But because it flopped, it’s actually sort of poignant, like watching an old man ineffectually waving his fist as they concrete the duckpond and put up a Nando’s."
"Like a disease that gradually but inexorably blossoms into a pandemic, Alexander’s military band set off a craze that would result in various musicians, orchestras, and nations vying for higher and higher tones, with sharper and sharper notes."
"I crossed the city like a fucked-up Santa, sliding down chimneys and dispensing death like candy canes."
from Kick-Ass 2 Prelude: Hit Girl by Mark Millar
"From thirty feet away she looked like a lot of class. From ten feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from thirty feet away."
from The High Window by Raymond Chandler